The audiobook format allows
for listeners to experience the background behind her grounded theory research.
She candidly explains the good, the embarrassing, and the ugly from her own
life. Dare to Lead is no pie-in-the
sky theoretical framework; it contains real-life examples of daring leadership.
Dr. Brown’s version of “picture the audience naked” while speaking in public is
brilliant. She pictures her audience metaphorically naked; that is, without
their titles accomplishments positions etc. She pictures what someone looks
like as a vulnerable child.[1]
Like Brown’s new
perspective of an audience that set her free from fear, I experienced something
very powerful that changed my outlook – it occurred right after I became fully
known in my marriage and in my church small group. I began seeing others
without their titles and accomplishments after gaining momentum in the business
of helping people find lasting freedom from destructive behaviors in my job as
a chaplain/pastoral counselor. I increasingly became fearless the more I heard raw
stories and fearless moral inventories.
Today, I no longer fear
people because in my job as a daring leader, I have “…met way too many people
who let me all the way in to know that there could be someone else who is not
like the rest of us; broken and in need of healing and restoration.” This is my
mantra, which keeps me living courageously and free from the fear of man. What Dr.
Brown calls “daring leadership” is, from my perspective, describing the “abundant
life,” which is also “human flourishing” or what Jews refer to as shalom. She writes this for “leaders,”
but concept applies to anyone who takes responsibility for investment in people.
“One of the most
important findings of my career is that daring leadership is a collection of
four skill sets that are 100 percent teachable, observable, and measurable.
It’s learning and unlearning that requires brave work, tough conversations, and
showing up with your whole heart. Easy? No. Because choosing courage over
comfort is not always our default. Worth it? Always. We want to be brave with
our lives and our work. It’s why we’re here.”
Dare to Lead plays a significant role in the design of my faith-based recovery
workshop for Service members because it targets “leadership.” One noticeably
common misconception amongst military leaders I have observed is that counseling
services or personal growth retreats are for the junior enlisted personnel and
not the staff non-commissioned or commissioned officers. The truth is
counseling and personal growth retreats are relevant for every member of the
unit regardless of rank or designator. The faith-based model proposed in my
dissertation is intended for the unit’s chaplain to implement for every member
of the unit. My proposal combines Dr. Brown’s research on the power of
vulnerability and a biblical theology of confession and repentance in the midst
of gospel-centered community. My research has demonstrated that vulnerability
and confession are two critical elements that enable Service members to find lasting
freedom from destructive behaviors and healing from past trauma and moral
injury.
The challenge Brown
gives to all leaders is that of humility; not pretending to know everything and
being humble enough to assume the role of “learner” in conversations versus “knower.”
The New Testament author, James gives the command to be “quick to listen and
slow to speak” (James 1:19). It is necessary to challenge leaders in this area as
there is a direct correlation in all organizations with rank and isolation. The
more senior a person becomes in an organization, the more chances they feel superior
and detached, which in turn can create a sense of loneliness and isolation. Emotional
isolation and insulation are choices rooted in deception. In worst cases, fear
leading to emotional isolation and insulation turns into depression and then
suicidal behavior and attempts - and it always happens in that exact order.
Root Causes of Suicide amongst Senior Military Leaders
High ranking military
leaders committed to suicide must first become isolated. Instead of choosing
vulnerability and leaning into courageous conversations with mentors, peers and
subordinates, as Dr. Brown suggests, these leaders at some point in their
career chose the kind of toxic shame that turns them inward. Hence, in the wake
of their suicide, the people who knew them are often left feeling
discombobulated believing that “they had it all.”
In December 2018, an
active duty Navy admiral died in an apparent suicide. Later on reports would
confirm that the cause of death was suicide. Afterwards, I met with over two
dozen of his former employees and subordinates who shared they were confused as
to why he would kill himself. Most mentioned his successes, military accolades,
and wealth. As is typical with successful flag officers, nobody saw him as a
man who was in need of inner healing. They saw him as a “strong man and
leader.” Perhaps due to rank and position, nobody questioned how he was
handling the burdens of command and the downside of having no peers close by. It
is safe to say, that either their understanding of a strong leader did not
include moral courage, confession, and heart renovation or they did not feel it
was appropriate to confront the admiral with questions such as, “how’s your
heart?” or “tell me about your struggle with X, Y, and Z. Moreover, it was apparent that achievement and
awards were only viewed as a sign of strength.
Daring leadership calls
out perfectionism as a destructive behavior in a culture where it is praised.
Dr. Brown says, “Wherever perfectionism is driving us, Shame is riding shotgun.”[2] In fact, Brown draws a
direct correlation with perfectionism and shame.
“Perfectionism is a function of shame”[3]
Attaining high levels of leadership in the military in an incredible amount of time is never called out as a destructive behavior. It is never highlighted at a “force preservation council” or disciplinary review board, etc. It is always the Service members that got caught for driving under the influence, an alcohol related incident, drug abuse, sexual assault, domestic violence, or suicide related behavior that draw the negative spotlight. If perfectionism and drivenness are the manifestations of negative thoughts rooted in shame, they should be treated as any other “destructive” behavior that hinders unit readiness.
”Perfectionism is addictive.”[4]
The argument could be made
(and is often) that perfectionistic and driven Service members are force
multipliers in the unit, but such leaders would not be considered as “daring
leaders” by Dr. Brown’s measurement. Perfectionistic leaders actually hinder
growth in the organization. When perfectionism is praised, the culture is
susceptible to fostering destructive behaviors such as SRBs.
Fundamentals of Freedom from Destructive Behaviors
The first steps to
freedom from destructive behaviors is vulnerability, confession, and heart
restoration according to Dr. Brown. Scripture promises that leaders who
regularly engage in these activities, avoid the build-up of roots that lead to bitter
fruit (cf. Romans 10:9-10). The vulnerable person remains exposed in their
weaknesses, which in turn prohibits that weakness or “root” from growing. When
roots remain hidden and underground, they grow stronger and stronger to the
point where they can break the foundation of a house so that the house is
inhabitable.
My doctoral proposal of
“Freedom Vision” allows for Service
members seeking lasting freedom from destructive behaviors to spend a day of
uprooting negative thoughts that lead to behaviors. There is a desperate need
in the military to foster a culture of true masculinity via vulnerability and
humility. Military leaders need to repent from the idea that vulnerability and
attending “freedom workshops” is weakness.
“There isn’t a shred of evidence that vulnerability
is weakness.”[5]
Dr. Brown’s proposal for
daring leadership is one of the foundations for the “compassionate/non-judgmental
listening” in Freedom Vision. The
workshop proposes that the chaplain’s ears must act as a grave where people can
bury their problems and begin (or continue) the healing process. Brown teaches
that empathy is “not about fixing. It’s the brave choice to be with someone in
their darkness. Not to race to turn on the light so we feel better (emphasis mine).[6]
Military leaders can
benefit from daring leadership by learning fundamentals of empathy and
embracing “awkward silence.” A dozen years of observation has shown me that the
majority of staff non-commissioned officers and officers do more talking than listening
when interacting with junior enlisted. Most assume the teacher/mentor role and
few embrace the learner mindset. And rarely do leaders know how to help the
young enlisted connect their actions with their feelings. Teaching young
Service members to acknowledge their hurt versus demanding they “clean up their
act” or reprimanding them is daring leadership.
“It’s easier to be angry or pissed off
than to acknowledge hurt.”[7]
My
ethnographic research of specialized communities such as infantry or special
operations forces revealed a similar type of masculinity lacking in vulnerability
and confession. Dr. Brown writes that most men do not know how to explain the
emotions that take place in their hearts, which is consistent with my research.
She explains,
When we are feeling at
edge, instead of asking ourselves, “what is the quickest way to make these
feelings go away?” We should ask, “What are these feelings and where do they
come from?”[8]
The
larger (non-specialized) military communities reflect similar trends. “Workaholism” is a strong theme in the Fleet Navy and Marine Force.
This does not include long hours necessary for actual missions, but the mindset
that working late is a sign of dedication to the institution. Service members
priding themselves on coming in early and staying late when unnecessary. One of
the objectives of Freedom Vision is
to help Service members connect their workaholism with the roots of the worship
of approval, power, comfort and control. Those who believe they must work long
hours in order to gain approval of others are deceived. Dr. Brown says that the
daring leadership response to workaholism is rest and time off.
“The daring leadership response to exhaustion
and productivity as self-worth is modeling and supporting rest, play, and
recovery...lack of downtime and play has a deleterious effect on our output in
the office.”[9]
Conclusion
Daring to Lead contains several
fundamental elements that contribute to the workshop, Freedom Vision, which advertises “a compassionate response to
Service members seeking lasting freedom from destructive behaviors.” Every
prayer contained in the workshop includes elements of confession and
thanksgiving. One outcome of the workshop is that Service members develop a
practice of gratitude; not simply an attitude of gratitude, but a daily
confession of gratitude and practice.
“What is the one thing that people who can fully
lean into joy I have in common? Gratitude. They practice gratitude. It’s not an
attitude of gratitude, it is an actual practice. They keep a journal or make a bit
of what their grateful for their phones...”[10]
Daring leadership is for all people in the military;
not just for those who have rank and positional authority. All people can
engage in daring leadership by role modeling the principles proposed by Dr.
Brown. It is for those who want to do the brave work of sanctification, have
the tough conversations called confession, and those who have a desire to have
a whole (restored) heart.
[2] Ibid., Section
Three: The Armory / 02:25:49
[3] Ibid., 02:27:34
[4] Ibid., 02:28:11
[6] Ibid., Section Four:
Shame and Empathy / 04:21:28
