There's Something Dark Inside of Me by Dustin Kensrue

Last week I visited the Village Church in Irvine and saw the great things God continues to do in Orange County; namely, bring the gospel to people, young and old and from various backgrounds.  Or maybe i'm just now noticing.  I enjoyed pastor Matt's message and turned to my wife after the service and said, "babe, I enjoyed worshipping God today instead of people" - meaning I was able to shift my focus to worshipping the Creator rather than get caught up in what people might think if I cry out to him, raise my hands in Worship.  I wasted so many years fighting what God created me to do; namely, worship Him with no shame or guilt.  My lovely wife replied, "Yes!  It takes so much more energy to hold back from worshipping God instead of just letting your mind and body do what it was created to do."

Since that week, I've been listening to a lot of Dustin Kensrue.  He attends the Village Church as well and wrote this song, "There's Something Dark Inside of Me."  The words hit home.  Every day I am dialed in more and more to the darkness in my heart.  And I am able to connect it to the words of Ephesians 6:12 - "Our struggle is not against flesh and blood..."  Of course there are those sins and habits that have manifested into words and actions, hurtful things said and painful acts done.  But looking beyond those fruits and connecting them to the root sins beneath the surface has been a great relief.  Because now I know where to attack with the Word and in my prayer: "Lord, I'm wrestling with the shame of sharing that I mistreated my kid.  Lord, help me overcome that shame, give full disclosure to my wife and brothers you put in my life and put measures in place to avoid any further hurt.

Bottom line: when the Gospel has penetrated the heart, one becomes aware of the darkness inside.  Nobody is to blame anymore, but yourself.  You begin to own your mistakes and choices.  It is no longer "she made me mad" but rather, "Lord, I confess, today I chose to respond in anger.  Thank you for your forgiveness." (1Jn 1:9).  And there is freedom in the confession of darkness in the heart.  It exposes those evil deeds that the enemy wants to keep hidden (Eph 5:11).  That confession allows believers to walk in the freedom that Christ has secured for them (Gal 5:1).

enjoy...

There's Something Dark Inside of Me Lyrics:

There's something dark inside of me. 

There is a ghost in this machine. 

There is a giant jagged hole. 

Twists and rips through my soul. 

Like the roots of some old retched tree. 

There's something dark inside of me. 

There's something haunting, all my love. 

There's nothing good I'm thinking of. 

Still I'm gilded and groomed, 

gliding into the room. 

Saying such bold and beautiful things. 

There's something dark inside of me. 

There's something rumbling in my mind. 

Secrets that you weren't meant to find. 

You thought you knew me so well? 

I will see you in hell 

Before I let you live to tell what you've seen 

There's something dark inside of me. 

I need someone to set me free. 

So I call out your name 

But you seem so far away. 

And anyway, who could save one like me? 

Cause' there's something dark inside of me.