My take on "SACRED MARRIAGE" by Gary Thomas

Other than the Bible, this is the best book I've ever read on marriage.  The subtitle says it all: "What if God designed marriage to make us more holy rather than make us happy?"

I remember the first time I heard that question.  It was at a Marriage Enrichment Retreat (My wife and I were married less than a year) and I laughed and said, "That is pretty much the dumbest thing I've ever heard!  Of course God wants to make us more happy in marriage.  Why else would we get married!"  Almost a decade later and after hitting rock bottom 7 years into the marriage, I NOW appreciate that statement.

MARRIAGE IS ALL ABOUT SANCTIFICATION... because it's not about ME.  It's about God using a divine institute called marriage to give me a venue in which there is a constant reminder of our need for God.

The best wedding gift you ever received was a full length mirror called your spouse who constantly shows you everything you don't want to see and everything that needs to be worked on!  We could look away, but that is as foolish as looking into a mirror, seeing your pasty drool and eye crust, then walk away and do nothing about it.

In times of testing we ought to fall towards our spouse rather than natural reaction to fall away from him or her.

These are just a few of many of the insights I gained from reading this book.

Here's what I would add...

A chapter or something that incorporates this:  I DON'T EVER WANT TO PLEASE MY SPOUSE EVER AGAIN.  I want to avoid doing anything to please her.  And in exchange, seek to please the Father.  My main mission is to gain HIS approval and HIS validation alone.  Seek only HIS pat on my back.

Before you stop reading, consider this scenario:

You work extra hard during the day so that you can leave early just to spend time with your spouse.  You get home 1 hour early expecting to be received with joy and open arms.  Instead, as soon as you walk in you are given a list of chores to do and criticized for letting these things fall off your radar.

Should this cause you grief?  If, and only if you worked hard and came home to please your spouse or yourself.  But...If you worked extra hard, earned an early out and headed home to fellowship because you wanted to please God the Father, then you would look to him and ask, "Father are you pleased?"  Then that would be the end of it.

Here's the sad reality.  It takes most of us time to get over petty things like being rejected by our spouse.  We like to sulk and pout in our misery because we think our rights were violated.  We loose focus on our responsibility in exchange for our imaginary rights.  We are broken, evil and selfish people.  That is the bad news.

Here's the good news.  Christ lived a perfect life, died on the cross, was buried and rose on the third day defeating sin and death so we wouldn't have to be miserable in our marriage.  He conquered all so that our marriages would thrive as we seek to please him.

Why do should I love my wife?
...because I can through Christ and it pleases the Father!

Why should I initiate love to my wife?
...because I can through Christ and it pleases the Father!

Why should I respond in grace every time?
...because I can through Christ and it pleases the Father!

Why should I serve my wife with no expectation of a gift in return?
...because I can through Christ and it pleases the Father!


I highly encourage those of you who are struggling in your marriage.  Read this book.  Let the truth in it speak to you.  If you're already at rock bottom you're ready.

Your marriage can be saved.
...because you can through Christ ...and it would absolutely please the Father!