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Introduction
The best part of Scott Boren’s book, The Relational Way, is on the back cover, which says, “Scott Boren is married to Shawna and the father of three incredible children. His family participates in the Relational Way with three other families in a small group.” That immediately drew me into the book. And then the forward (by Alan Roxburgh) explicitly advises, “This is an important book. Read it slowly, prepared to have your view of small groups in the church reoriented.” [1] So that is what I did! All my books have tons of markings, but this one has more. It is chock full of nuggets and gospel-centered/missionally-oriented truths mean to transform lives and small groups.
Boren is clear from the get-go: “This book aims to steer your imagination rather than provide answers.” [2] The way in which Boren approaches the relational way is not merely theological per se but based on an attempt to “…move back into the rhythm of listening to the spirit first.” [3]. In keeping with this low-guidance posture, he offers the following suggestion to his readers,"If you are practically minded by nature, feel free to start with a practical half and then work back through the theological foundation. However, my hope is that you will work through each chapter from the beginning and allow the broad guidelines to stimulate your imagination” [4].
About the Author
Besides practicing what he preaches, Boren was a student of his “beloved seminary professor” Howard Hendricks. He quotes prof Hendricks, “…pastor should not focus their ministry and teaching people how to do church but on how to do life.” [5] If prof was on earth today he would be proud. The reference to Lynn Anderson's they smell like sheep is an indication of his leadership style; namely, he likes to be with his people. [6]
He directed Research & Development with TOUCH Outreach in Houston, TX and now serves as Community Pastor at Woodland Hills Church in St. Paul, MN. His writing style is profound and palatable, easy to read, and scripture-based from beginning to end, literally. Every chapter begins with a “Relational Truth” to replace a “Structural Myth.”
Summary
This book is appropriately titled, The Relational Way and the subtitle is from small group structures to holistic life connections. Nevertheless, Boren shockingly states,"Small groups were never the focus of the New Testament church!”[7] (emphasis mine) He explains that the early church met in homes but small groups were never the strategy to grow the church or reach the lost. The early Church did not have official buildings or even societal clout. Homes were simply a target of opportunity. There is, however, a heavy emphasis on the structure of those House church meetings. Instead of it extensive instruction on how to do “small groups” or “community groups” the New Testament writers’ push was always relationship. "The relational way of the people in the group is what provides the base of life from which ministry occurs. Groups are only a means to the end of a relational life.”[8]
“Missional” is a key word in the Relational Way. “Missional” is often thought of as reaching those on the outside, but Boren is clear that Missional has a direct correlation to the Missio Dei (the mission of God). God is on mission and he has a Church to carry out that mission of redeeming and restoring mankind to His image. God is a perfect community and the “small group”/community is a way in which the Relational Way end is achieved.
Again, God is relational and his kingdom is relational. The equipping within the community “…impacts more than the scheduled activities of the church by invading the everyday lives of the people of God.”[9] I heard Pastor Matt Chandler once say, “Life change occurs from life-on-life not sermon on ears!” (paraphrase mine). What Chandler is suggesting is the deeper life of a “community group,” which is so much more than “attending a service” or “going to church” but rather living life with other people in the community. Boren sums up God’s relational kingdom succinctly,
It is about doing life together in authentic biblical community and undermining the assumptions of this world that create the anti-relational kingdom. Such small groups don't accommodate the anti-relational kingdom. They confronted, challenges, and offer a different way of living.[10]
In “creating contagious relationships,” he beautifully explains “inward movements” within the small group as,
… the call to love others in the group, to create an atmosphere of true love, acceptance, and forgiveness, to sacrifice for one another, to risk telling the truth to one another, to embrace one another in weakness, and receive the gifts others have to offer. The Inward movement is often called building community.[11]
In sum, the ten chapters in this book are all explicit actions that the group must take in cultivating the Relational Way.
ApplicationThis is a practical book for congregations of any size. Here are some questions that I would like to propose for my small group leader to present on our Tuesday night community group of 12-15 people (not including children).
“How do we become the people that live in community that stands in contrast to the social structures of this world? What are the practices of people on the way with God? What ways of living would manifest in being a church on mission with God?”[12] The Relational Way is the way of the Gospel. And the Gospel is and has always been relevant in America because, as Dallas Willard writes, is “dominated by the essentially enlightenment values that will American culture: pursuit of happiness, unrestricted freedom of choice, disdain for authority.”[13]
The individualism and isolationism of Americans in the church will always be a potential prophetic moment for the missional-incarnational small group. I think many small groups often struggle with which group they can reach for the sake of the gospel. But, we don't have to go far because individualism and emotional isolationism are so prevalent. Our approach maybe as simple as a gracious reminder that we were never created for individualism and life apart from relationships or emotional isolationism which rejects the notion of life together in community.
InnovationThe dysfunctional lifestyle that Randy Frazee calls “crowded loneliness”[14] is also a target opportunity for if prophetic voice from within the church. We have all been to local church gatherings where somebody feels rejected or isolated for a plethora of reasons. This is not to say at the feelings our reality, but that the environment may act as a catalyst for unresolved conflict in the soul of the individual that feels rejected. I think the antidote too crowded loneliness is perhaps found in intentional/incarnational/missional relational living. It means that I show up on Sunday morning not to be served or noticed, but to serve and notice the marginalized or people who might not fit in with the general population. All this is to say that the opportunity for ministry and the building up, and equipping, and basic encouragement of the Saints is abundant. Once again, we don't have to go far or pray for opportunities for impact when they show up every Sunday morning!
Every local church my family and I have had the privilege to join (which is every two or three years) has had the “mover and shaker” (paid staff member) that carries the bulk of the ministerial responsibilities. Similar to the parable of “Bob” in chapter 3, I've seen so many people who are so busy with ministry and church activities relationships.[15] I often jokingly ask the “(fill in the blank) director”," where do you go to church?” And they often laugh (in agreement).
In 2015, we were involved in one the fastest growing church in Rhode Island (OceanPointeri.com) and witnessed first hand how a relational church fought against absentmindedness in ministerial busyness. Every Sunday morning, 15 minutes prior to the beginning of a service, Pastor Jeff would gather the staff and volunteers and graciously remind them that, "from here on out it's all about people. No tuning instruments. No fixing electronics. Engage people. And find the ones that you do not know.” (Paraphrase mine). The huddle would break just like a football team! Everybody had their “game face” on at that point. For the team at OP, it was all about relationships. And that is the essence of the Relational Way.
—————————[1] M. Scott Boren, The Relational Way: from small group structures to holistic life connections (Houston, TX: TOUCH Publications, 2007), 9.[2] Ibid., 20.[3] Ibid.[4] Ibid.[5] Ibid., 80.[6] Ibid., 35.[7] Ibid., 24.[8] Ibid., 25.[9] Ibid., 81.[10] Ibid., 79.[11] Ibid., 120.[12] Ibid., 19.[13] Ibid., 75.[14] Ibid., 74.[15] Ibid., 74, 83.
The effects of the Constantinian empire...
“The Church as we know it was built upon the idea of attracting people to attend spiritual events and services. In other words, people "go to church" and church leaders spend their efforts on developing way to get people to "come to church." Church is a spiritual service that occurs at a specific spiritual time, at a specific spiritual place, led by spiritual people, for people with spiritual interests.” 15.
“The center of the church has become the Sunday morning event with the goal of making that event attractive enough draw in observers from the culture.” 15.
“Gods sending nature is the model of God that we see in Jesus. God is he sending God.” 19.
“If the church today is to participate in the life of the Trinity, the people of God must learn to shift from a quote come and observe" approach to a"Go and demonstrate" approach.” 19.
“To participate in the mission is to participate in the movement of God's love toward people, since God is the fountain of sending love.” 19
“Today is a day that God is reforming the church. He is calling the church from one place to another, much like he called the Israelite slaves out of Egypt to the promised land.” 20.
“… I cannot be satisfied with a nice small group program in a growing church. He has implanted a call for a vision that will require a lifelong battle." 21.
"Jesus was not trying to impress the crowd, but to usher in a kingdom.” -Robert Coleman. 41.
“Jesus spent about 50% of this time with the 12 key leaders during his three years of ministry. He spent 35% with the core group/the seventy, and he spent 15% with the crowd.” 42.
"If we don't practice relational community and our leadership, then we should not expect community to results within our groups." 44.
“He is at the center, the spirit of God is released to accomplish the mission of God in this world.” 65.“people grow in their relationship with God when they have the opportunity to process what they are learning with other people." 69.
“the kingdom comes first in order of God, not the church or small groups.” 70.
"it is about doing life together in authentic biblical community and undermining the assumptions of this world that create the anti-relational kingdom. Such small groups don't accommodate the anti-relational kingdom. They confronted, challenges, and offer a different way of living." 79.
ApplicationThis is a practical book for congregations of any size. Here are some questions that I would like to propose for my small group leader to present on our Tuesday night community group of 12-15 people (not including children).
“How do we become the people that live in community that stands in contrast to the social structures of this world? What are the practices of people on the way with God? What ways of living would manifest in being a church on mission with God?”[12] The Relational Way is the way of the Gospel. And the Gospel is and has always been relevant in America because, as Dallas Willard writes, is “dominated by the essentially enlightenment values that will American culture: pursuit of happiness, unrestricted freedom of choice, disdain for authority.”[13]
The individualism and isolationism of Americans in the church will always be a potential prophetic moment for the missional-incarnational small group. I think many small groups often struggle with which group they can reach for the sake of the gospel. But, we don't have to go far because individualism and emotional isolationism are so prevalent. Our approach maybe as simple as a gracious reminder that we were never created for individualism and life apart from relationships or emotional isolationism which rejects the notion of life together in community.
InnovationThe dysfunctional lifestyle that Randy Frazee calls “crowded loneliness”[14] is also a target opportunity for if prophetic voice from within the church. We have all been to local church gatherings where somebody feels rejected or isolated for a plethora of reasons. This is not to say at the feelings our reality, but that the environment may act as a catalyst for unresolved conflict in the soul of the individual that feels rejected. I think the antidote too crowded loneliness is perhaps found in intentional/incarnational/missional relational living. It means that I show up on Sunday morning not to be served or noticed, but to serve and notice the marginalized or people who might not fit in with the general population. All this is to say that the opportunity for ministry and the building up, and equipping, and basic encouragement of the Saints is abundant. Once again, we don't have to go far or pray for opportunities for impact when they show up every Sunday morning!
Every local church my family and I have had the privilege to join (which is every two or three years) has had the “mover and shaker” (paid staff member) that carries the bulk of the ministerial responsibilities. Similar to the parable of “Bob” in chapter 3, I've seen so many people who are so busy with ministry and church activities relationships.[15] I often jokingly ask the “(fill in the blank) director”," where do you go to church?” And they often laugh (in agreement).
In 2015, we were involved in one the fastest growing church in Rhode Island (OceanPointeri.com) and witnessed first hand how a relational church fought against absentmindedness in ministerial busyness. Every Sunday morning, 15 minutes prior to the beginning of a service, Pastor Jeff would gather the staff and volunteers and graciously remind them that, "from here on out it's all about people. No tuning instruments. No fixing electronics. Engage people. And find the ones that you do not know.” (Paraphrase mine). The huddle would break just like a football team! Everybody had their “game face” on at that point. For the team at OP, it was all about relationships. And that is the essence of the Relational Way.
—————————[1] M. Scott Boren, The Relational Way: from small group structures to holistic life connections (Houston, TX: TOUCH Publications, 2007), 9.[2] Ibid., 20.[3] Ibid.[4] Ibid.[5] Ibid., 80.[6] Ibid., 35.[7] Ibid., 24.[8] Ibid., 25.[9] Ibid., 81.[10] Ibid., 79.[11] Ibid., 120.[12] Ibid., 19.[13] Ibid., 75.[14] Ibid., 74.[15] Ibid., 74, 83.
Favorite Quotes
“The fast food way of life also ask as a kind of parable for modern spirituality. It paints a picture for how many people approach God and the church.” 13.The effects of the Constantinian empire...
“The Church as we know it was built upon the idea of attracting people to attend spiritual events and services. In other words, people "go to church" and church leaders spend their efforts on developing way to get people to "come to church." Church is a spiritual service that occurs at a specific spiritual time, at a specific spiritual place, led by spiritual people, for people with spiritual interests.” 15.
“The center of the church has become the Sunday morning event with the goal of making that event attractive enough draw in observers from the culture.” 15.
“Gods sending nature is the model of God that we see in Jesus. God is he sending God.” 19.
“If the church today is to participate in the life of the Trinity, the people of God must learn to shift from a quote come and observe" approach to a"Go and demonstrate" approach.” 19.
“To participate in the mission is to participate in the movement of God's love toward people, since God is the fountain of sending love.” 19
“Today is a day that God is reforming the church. He is calling the church from one place to another, much like he called the Israelite slaves out of Egypt to the promised land.” 20.
“… I cannot be satisfied with a nice small group program in a growing church. He has implanted a call for a vision that will require a lifelong battle." 21.
"Jesus was not trying to impress the crowd, but to usher in a kingdom.” -Robert Coleman. 41.
“Jesus spent about 50% of this time with the 12 key leaders during his three years of ministry. He spent 35% with the core group/the seventy, and he spent 15% with the crowd.” 42.
"If we don't practice relational community and our leadership, then we should not expect community to results within our groups." 44.
“He is at the center, the spirit of God is released to accomplish the mission of God in this world.” 65.“people grow in their relationship with God when they have the opportunity to process what they are learning with other people." 69.
“the kingdom comes first in order of God, not the church or small groups.” 70.
"it is about doing life together in authentic biblical community and undermining the assumptions of this world that create the anti-relational kingdom. Such small groups don't accommodate the anti-relational kingdom. They confronted, challenges, and offer a different way of living." 79.
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