And ever since that day, God has been showing me ways I am being purged from my pride. He has enabled me to see people as part of that process rather than my enemies. I have no human enemies. There may be people around me who are victims of the enemy, but I have no enemies made of flesh and blood. My #1 enemy is my selfish prideful wicked heart.
Another major revelation I had recently is who I am apart from God: A nobody. And then when I think of who I am apart from God, and when I think of my evil heart towards people I should love (i.e. my own family), I become sad and depressed. But then I step back and see how even that feeling of sadness is part of being humbled. That way, I come to grips with who I really am apart from Him, and it's so sobering and depressing that I am immediately humbled and cease thinking I'm better than someone else...because I am not.
Isn't this the essence of the Christian faith and the Gospel; namely, that we are nothing apart from. In fact, we are completely selfish, prideful, bitter, and self-deceived apart from him. It's not like I'm kinda in need of a Savior, it's that I am completely in need of the Savior and apart from him I will continue to be that guy who is hyper-critical of his wife. I will continue to be that guy who makes fun of other people as I'm driving by in my new car. I will continue to say, "Amen, Hallelujah Brother" and all forms of Christianese nonsense all the while mocking people in my mind. Yes, I am that guy apart from him.
I remember the first time I confessed to my wife the depth of the dark night in my soul - specifically, that I could not find any love in my heart. The next day she found a verse in John 15 that solidified what I had been learning...
5 I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.
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