A good day - Surrounded by friends and no longer a slave to fear...

Today would be a day I consider an awesome day.  Came out of a three day depression of after battling with believing lies that fed irrational fear.  You would think after teaching others the fundamentals of spiritual freedom for daily living that I would have this down.  But the reality is God loves me too much for me to stay complacent.

I confessed to a close friend, Dan feelings of indifference towards people I should be caring about.  I expressed a feeling of emptiness in my heart and lack of love towards my wife.  He replied, "What if that is a gift?"  And it hit me hard.  God allowed me just how pathetic of a husband, father, and friend I am without him.  That's exactly who I would be for all eternity if He had not claimed me as His own.  It was a gift!  The gift of an operable conscience.

I'm not kinda a good guy.  I'm a horrible guy that lacks love and compassion...when apart from God. The minute I take my eyes off Jesus I sink fast.

What kept me in a rut for three days straight was irrational fear.  Me being afraid to speak openly to my wife for fear that she will not respond how I think she should.  And the crazy cycle of irrational fear leading to the fruit of other irrational behavior begins.  Taking out anger on innocent bystanders (i.e. children) is one of the first things to occur.

This morning I got a call from another close friend (meaning he knows all my junk) named Bill.  I was encouraged by him.  Later on I got encouraging texts from my Pastor, Jeff.

By the afternoon, another close friend, sean treated me to an awesome burger.  During that time I cleared up all fear by sharing all the junk that I stepped in and kept stepping in for the past three days.

Most of the time, the kind of evil thoughts I entertain are so shameful I sin further by letting fear grip me.  I'm so blessed to have friends I can clear up all that fear with.  I confessed all of the irrational sinful thoughts I had with no fear of wondering whether or not Sean was going to think I was weird or judge me.

In those times, I get motivated and courageous from preaching the gospel to myself.  Ryan, what are you afraid of!?  This is why Christ came - to set us free.  Walk in freedom and confess this stuff.  Be free.  Role model your need for the Savior.

Then I came home, kissed my family, ate dinner together and turned on Bethel's "No Longer Slaves" song.  I left the table, lifted my hands in praise and my eyes filled with tears.  Thank you Lord, I am no longer a slave to fear!  I am a child of God.