The sin of defending self

I must confess, I am addicted to defending myself.  It is my go to sin when I feel insecure.  It is the shelter that I resort to when I take my eyes off of Christ.

Then I hear the voice of God whispering to me the beautiful truth of the gospel - "you've been set free son.  I am your rock and your defense.  There is no need to defend yourself.  That's my job."  And on and on I hear the truths of the Scriptures.  I hear Galatians 5:1 - walk in freedom son!  I hear Ephesians 6:12 - your wife is not the enemy; spiritual forces are your struggle.  I hear 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 - don't fight this issue with your words and your self-defense mechanisms.  Pray.

Anger and rage almost always follow my knee-jerk self-defense reactions.  When I am quick to respond, "No I wasn't.  I didn't do that.  I wasn't mad."  What comes next is evil thoughts: "Gosh you're an idiot."  Then come the hurtful words in the form of eternal nows: "You always attack me.  You always get mad."  Finally, come the knockout punch phrases, "You know what!? You're stupid.  I hate you."

Anybody relate to this progression?  Christians?  Let's be honest.  You can relate far too well.  Your evil thoughts turn into evil words.  In some cases, some of us resort turn to physical abuse.  Some of us believe the lie that flirting with someone else is appropriate "payback."  Some go to craigslist to gratify the desires of their flesh.

The devil is in the details.  Let's avoid the temptation of dissecting and analyzing the details of the fight with our spouses and just get to the bottom of it.

Today, my sin, was defending myself (i.e. Idolatry).

Let's stop analyzing the flight patterns of the flies in our house and just take out the trash.
Let's stop spraying air freshener in the bathroom and just flush the toilet.

I commit myself to analyzing my own heart instead of looking at everyone else around me.
Today, I confess my idolatry and say, "Thank you, Lord. Thank you for your forgiveness. Amen."

Let's worship...

-- DEFENDER LYRICS 
A torrent of destruction hid
My darkened soul from rescuing
I cried to God for help, he heard my voice

The tainted earth, it rocked and reeled
The heavens bowed, the mountains kneeled
The thunderous voice of God my covering

I will not be afraid
For my hope is in his name
 Who is a rock but our God
Who’s blood has sealed our freedom
Jesus, our savior, defender, redeemer

He brought me to a safer place
Equipped my hands and feet with strength
So I advance with confidence in Christ
His precious truth delivers me
From lies that wage a war in me
Your victory is mine for all my days

I will not be afraid
For my hope is in his name
 Who is a rock but our God
Who’s blood has sealed our freedom
Jesus, our savior, defender, redeemer

You kneel down to raise me up
You my Lord, you my God
You rescue me with reckless love
Oh my Lord, oh my God
Who is a rock but our God
Who’s blood has sealed our freedom
Jesus, our savior, defender, redeemer
Jesus, our savior, defender, our redeemer
ohh, ohh, ohh, ohh, ohhh, ohhh
ohh, ohh, ohh, ohh, ohhh, ohhh