Hi, my name is Ryan and I am a recovering iPhone addict! I joined the military in 2007, about the time a new technology called a “smartphone” was presented to the world. Before long, everyone was “drinking the juice” (or biting the apple) and purchasing what was called, “the iPhone.” I quickly bought one myself and even convinced my technology adverse wife to trade her Sprint flip phone for a fancy new iPhone 2. It is not a stretch to say that smartphones are not just part of our lives, but have the ability to drastically change it. In October 2010, Instagram was available in the App store with 25,000 downloads on opening day. By Christmas, over 1,000,000 users were posting their fancy foods, fortune, fun, and (insta) fame. A personal take-away: my depression and anger were in direct proportion to the amount of time I spent perusing the web - I was comparing others' highlight reels with my behind-the-scenes.
In my experience, comparison robs us of our joy, and pride kills anything it touches. One of the unfortunate risks of social media is that it has the ability to fuel both comparison and pride, and with detrimental effects. Those effects include physical, such as blue light affecting sleep hygiene and attention deficit due to increased screen time. Studies have shown a connection with getting a text buzz and/or “like” with getting a shot of dopamine - the same effect of drinking alcohol, taking drugs, or gambling. And it isn't always about dopamine, but about the expectation and hope we have that drives us to see more (#FOMO). There are also relational effects of disconnection; at the dinner table, in the car, in the stroller, even during church services. Research has shown that such activity impacts brain development and the ability to interact with others. Smart devices are not making us smarter; oh quite the contrary.
In the last issue of the Stuttgart Citizen (Vol. 52, No. 1), my good friend Chaplain Eric Bryan gave a challenge: “Leave your phone at home for a day and discover what freedom feels like.” He also challenged us to look up and be present (paraphrase mine). Here are just four ways I’m reinforcing that exhortation:
1) I bought a 30 Euro “dumb phone” (my New Year’s resolution to be iPhone free in 2023).
2) I am re-reading smart books that promote presence and freedom.
a) Get Your Life Back by John Eldridge
b) The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer
3) I volunteer every week in the USAG Stuttgart community.
4) Last but not least, I begin and end each day with “benevolent detachment” prayer and journaling (with my wife).
The Dumb Phone
I realize giving up a smartphone is difficult. Like some drug/alcohol detox programs, cold-turkey may not be the answer. If that’s the case, I recommend starting off by buying the dumb phone and putting your SIM card in it whenever you are around people (i.e., eating out, visiting friends/family, parties, etc). As time goes on, you may find it increasingly easier to separate from the device. Treat your phone like a newborn baby; put it to bed early and allow it to sleep in. My phone got 18 hrs of sleep the other day. Or treat it like a hockey player and put it in a penalty box during dinner or gatherings. Weaning is key.
John Mark Comer recommends turning your smartphone into a dumb phone. This means deleting apps/social media so that it is only the essentials (i.e., calling, weather, and navigation). This will take some sophisticated planning in order to stay on top of emails and tasks. You will not have a choice but to be laser focused and intentional with your time behind an actual computer. Stay the course and you will soon find out the juice is worth the squeeze. Before you know it, you will be smartphone free in 2023.
Smart Books
There are several ways to handle the long commutes afforded to us by crowded autobahns and never-ending city road construction. Every day I bike 9 miles total (work commute), which means I have at least 40 minutes a day to listen to audible books (well worth the membership) or even better, simply enjoy the scenery; both are beneficial. Whether you are riding a bus, driving a car, or biking to work, the two books I mentioned earlier are ones I highly recommend for anyone in need of a good “reset” on the mundane life tethered to smart devices. An ancient Hebrew Proverb says, “Listen to advice and accept instruction” (Proverbs 19:20).
Volunteer Work
A recent Mayo Clinic study shows that volunteering improves physical and mental health, provides a sense of purpose, and nurtures relationships. Three things that have been stifled with the advent of smart devices. Volunteering with Child Youth Sports Wrestling gives me an opportunity to invest in our future leaders and model what right looks like. This is critical for a generation that never experienced a world without smartphones and social media. I’m teaching them wrestling on several levels. Volunteering at Patch Chapel is refreshing to my soul. To see young and old, regardless of rank or designator worshiping side by side is a glimpse of heaven on earth. Volunteering affords us an opportunity to give, which is more blessed than receiving.
Benevolent Detachment
In his 2020 book, Get Your Life Back, best-selling author, John Eldridge talks about “benevolent detachment,” which is the means we can (and should) get our lives back. Benevolent detachment is “…getting untangled, stepping out of the quagmire; it means peeling apart the Velcro by which this person, relationship, crisis, or global issue has attached itself to you. Or you to it. Detachment means getting some healthy distance. Social media overloads our empathy. So I use the word “benevolent” in referring to this necessary kind of detachment because we’re not talking about cynicism or resignation. Benevolent means kindness. It means something done in love.”
Eldridge goes on to quote Matthew 11:28-30, explaining that Jesus invites us all into a way of living where we are genuinely comfortable turning things over to him: ‘Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.’
The “benevolent detachment” prayer is simple: “Jesus, I give everyone and everything to you.” However, I don’t want you to think living this out is simple! Although my wife and I strive to begin and end every day with this prayer, life often throws us a curveball. And we are okay with that. Every day is a new day, so we try again and again. God extends grace and mercy to us, and we extend it to each other and ourselves.
Final Charge
This is not going to be a quick fix nor is it going to be an easy battle. As most of us know, freedom is never free, and it comes with much sacrifice. Trying harder is not always the answer. Be gracious and kind to yourself and to others. You are going to need it. The ongoing ethic of confession and repentance amid gospel-centered (i.e., good news) community are the keys to success from my perspective. With no judgment and tons of grace, let us walk together on this journey and encourage one another. I’d like to invite you to visit our humble little community at Patch Chapel, Sundays at 1100. I’d love to personally connect with you over a cup of tea or coffee and talk about the Journey to freedom through being more present with each other!
